There doesn’t seem to be a charge for Hogwarts, which is a surprise, considering you have to board there. Shall we take a look around. Remember the Hogwarts you see on the screen may not be the correct one. The best one is always in your head. Gloucestershire Private Schools do charge but they don’t offer courses in witchcraft and wizardry. See for yourself at https://hopelands.org.uk/. Let’s take around Hogwarts my Muggle friend.

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First, we alight from our train at Hogsmeade. We could of course pop in for a butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks. Madame Rosmerta pulls a mean pint. There’s no point going to the shrieking Shack now, it’s no longer haunted. Hogsmeade Village Council has commissioned a blue plaque and there is talk of a visitor centre as it is the famous site of the confrontation of the late Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, proud heroes of the Order of the Phoenix. Plus, of course, it is the where the blessed trio Ron Weasley, Hermione Wesley (Grainger then) and the mighty Harry Potter learn the truth about Peter Pettigrew. Ah I see Zonko’s is open, though it now part of the Wesley’s Wizarding Wheezes empire, that company gets everywhere.

Let us then to Hogwarts. I’ve arranged little special something as you’ve never been we shall go as the first years do. By boat. You know sitting here floating as we are I cannot believe how much restoration work has been done. Oh yes, the place was a bit of a mess 10 years or so. Not worry magic fixes all. What do you mean it looks like Alnwick castle! Don’t! Put your hand in the water there are creatures that night find you a bit tasty. Yes, you did sign the disclaimer that said if died it would be your fault. Here we are then into the cavern, onto the quay side and up those stairs. Imagine doing this at night with only our jolly giant caretaker and Magical Creatures lecturer to guide you. So here we are at the house clock. Nice to see my old house Ravenclaw is ahead. Long may that continue. We shall enter the great hall. Yes, that’s people general reaction. Big isn’t it? That’s the top table where the teachers sit. That one is reserved as a memory to the great Professor Dumbledore, the finest wizard we’ve ever seen. A mentor to Mr Potter.

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Keep up where moving on to the Gryffindor Tower, you actually be able to see where the blessed trio planned and discussed the downfall of Voldemort. Feels nice being able to say that. What’s that? The grounds we just walked through look remarkable like Lacock Abbey’s? No, it doesn’t sir, it has stood since Godric Gryffindor held a first lecture…no, no this corridor does not look like Gloucester Cathedrals Cloisters. Why do we let Muggles on this tour? Philistines.